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11:36 a.m.
i moved to here.
03/09/2007

8:49 a.m.
i knew that fish sandwich from wendy's didn't taste right...

Virulent bug hits Bostonians below belt
By Jessica Fargen
Boston Herald Health & Medical Reporter
Thursday, March 1, 2007 - Updated: 05:53 AM EST

A nasty virus that causes nausea, vomiting and diarrhea struck 1,600 people in Boston over two misery-filled weeks last month, and March may be no better, said public health officials who are tracking the increasing number of cases.

About 800 people showed up in Boston emergency rooms with a gastrointestinal virus the week of Feb. 3, a 47 percent jump over the same week last year when there were 544 cases, according to the Boston Public Health Commission. City ERs saw another 800 patients with the suspected norovirus the week of Feb. 10. No one has died from the illness this year.

“Most people recover, but they feel lousy for two days,” said Dr. Anita Barry, the city’s director of communicable disease control.

Norovirus is found in vomit and feces and spread person to person when people don’t wash their hands. Although the numbers are leveling off in Boston, the amount of cases is still high, officials said. Norovirus cases are rising nationally, prompting the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to launch a national monitoring effort, which includes Boston.

Dr. Brien Barnewolt, chairman of emergency medicine at Tufts-New England Medical Center, said his emergency room saw an increase in cases last month. Although the virus is short-lived, it’s never pleasant, he said.

“They are pretty miserable,” he said.
03/09/2007

8:51 p.m.
i already called out for tomorrow. since the facility is so closed off, you shouldn't really walk in there if you might be sick. after all, kids start missing school and that's bad.

i called harris, the other young teacher, so we would have a plan in place. there are teachers out on other units and so people are covering all over the place and we'll probably only have two teachers tomorrow. so in the afternoon they need to show a movie so harris can give a kid the MCAS. this is why being in charge sucks, because you have to coordinate stuff and if it doesn't happen right while you're not there, it still managages to fall on you. even though it should fall on someone else. right?

did you know i felt that way about stuff? did you know i'm a perfectionist? and that i like things to be very coordinated and structured and planned? did you knhow i need all those things?

anyway, harris and i were talking about the general nausea i've been feeling since wednesday. first he told me to drink some ginger tea. but i don't have any. so he told me i should smoke some grass. i told him i was kind of avoiding that because i wasn't sure how i'd be with the smoke (truth), but after i hung up with him i decided it was a good idea after all.

i keep the pipe on the shelf next to the bed along with my pills, cell phone and glasses. every morning, i look at the pipe and wonder when will be the day i smoke it before i go to work. i only know that day will come when i stop wondering that.
03/08/2007

3:12 p.m.
they've been building something in the old high school field behind my house. i've wondered for some time what they were building. last night, i noticed there are a bunch of concrete pillars. i wondered how they got them up there. then today, while i've been home with norovirus, all i've heard is bang bang bang 'cause i think they've been banging those cement pillars into the frozen ground. it's horrible. it started at about 9a and kept going until just now stopping every 30 minutes or so for about 5 minutes. it's not so loud in the living room, but i'd rather be in the bed.

also, i've been burping from the crackers, water and apple sauce i was able to keep down and i was able to let out a little gas without shitting myself, so i should be able to go back to work tomorrow. i can't wait until i'm dying for a cheeseburger. that's how i always know i'm better.
03/08/2007

12:44 p.m.
in case i haven't mentioned, i've got the norovirus/stomach flu. i feel awful. i've been able to keep crackers and water down, but the cramps in my intestines are awful. it's urgent that i go to work tomorrow, though. so even if i feel awful, i have to be there. i hope i don't get any of those boys sick.
03/08/2007

12:42 p.m.
i cancelled my manicure/pedicure for this afternoon and moved it to saturday at 1:00. i moved the doctor for tomorrow morning to saturday at 3:30. then i have remy and maryann at 4:00. i hope i'm okay to go to work tomorrow.
03/08/2007

10:07 a.m.
last night i threw up. then, i literally shit myself. i thought i was going to to let out gas, but more came out. so i was up every 20 minutes last night to go to the bathroom. i've had horrible cramps that started around my lower torso, moved all the way up to my stomach and then moved all the way back down. i've had a horrible pain around my belly button. i still feel kind of gross in my whole digestive system, but i've had no fever. i hope i don't throw up again.
03/08/2007

5:18 p.m.
so i'm having to skip yoga tonight because i feel sick. that fucking doctor took me off prevacid and put me on protonix for no apparent reason seeing as i told her i've been on the prevacid for years and it's worked great. anyway, i've had indigestion for the past two days since i started taking it and today i'm all gassy and bloated and i feel like i'm going to throw up. it's awful. i might call and see if i can get in with someone else at that office so at least i can switch back to the prevacid.
03/07/2007

8:15 p.m.
seriously, how can you not love the mamas and the papas? seriously?!

so i'm pretty unhappy with the doctor i saw tuesday afternoon. she ordered a bunch of tests and stuff which is always good, but she wouldn't let me talk. at all. like, everytime i'd try to talk to her about something, she'd cut me off. and i had to stop her as she was going out the door to look at the rash on my leg. and she didn't really look at it. so maybe i'll have the tests done so i don't have to wait forever again and then transfer my records. i should ask around to find out who people go to. i thought i'd rather have a woman, but now i'm thinking i'd rather have a man. grrr.

and she kept telling me i'm fat. no shit lady. but guess what? teenage boys who haven't seen a woman in months still think i'm hawt, so get over it.

doesn't everyone love the be good tanyas' cover of "when doves cry"?
03/06/2007

3:01 p.m.
i FINALLY got to go to the doctor. she's making me go to the dietitian. because i'm fat. it even says so on my diagnosis: 278.00 - Obesity.

i didn't really like the lady, but whatever, she's a doctor, right? and she was very thorough though and is making me come back because my blood pressure is high. and she's making me do a fecal sample to check for blood in my doo. gross. she's making me to go a gastroenterologist because of my stomach problems. uh, i also have to get a tetnus shot and blood work. yikes!

so, whatever. she says the rash i keep getting is caused by eczema. gross.

also, does anyone on earth think chelsea handler is funny? she's not.
03/05/2007

8:16 p.m.
this time of the year is the worst for me. i just stay sad all of the time. i'm so sleepy today.

my friends maryann and aarne just broke up. aarne seems really sad about it. he wanted to explain to me why, but he doesn't need to explain anything.
03/04/2007

11:54 a.m.
last night we watched the movie "star gate." i'd always thought the reason i didn't understand what happened in it was because i was stupid or something. but it turns out the reason i didn't get the movie is because half of it is in a non-sense language.

in any case, i still have no idea what's going on in it because i was high while i was watching it. mittens was trying to fill me in, but i just got more confused.
03/03/2007

6:42 p.m.
so. we're not taking the apartment after all. instead, mittens' roommate is moving out ('cause his checks always bounce and he's a slob) and i'm moving in there with mittens and his brother. which is awesome and what we'd been hoping for all along. the landlords are going to take out the carpet and build a deck. so we were very excited.

the only problem is that the guy from the old apartment wants to keep the thousand dollar deposit we gave him. so mittens called his mom who is going to call her italian boyfriend. i'm just waiting for her to call me back. i get very nevrous with things like these. when i'm very nevervous i laugh so.
03/01/2007

4:30 p.m.
the other night, an old man at my yoga class passed gas and then fell down. it was pretty awesome.
02/28/2007

8:16 p.m.
i haven't been sleeping well for some time. so the doctor told me to take benedryl to see if that words since i don't want to take any kind of prescription. do you think mixing grass and benedryl is dangerous? the grass makes me fall asleep and the benedryle makes me stay asleep.
02/26/2007

7:09 p.m.
we got the three bedroom apartment! i'm moving my stuff on 3/24! this is exciting. it's going to be me, my mittens and OUR cats.
02/26/2007

5:38 p.m.

needs to get rid of that wife and marry me!!!!!
02/23/2007

5:33 p.m.
i love it when the vietnamese girl who does my nails talks about how cute maddox jolie is going to be when he grows up. it's so true!
02/23/2007

5:12 p.m.
does anyone else get giddy when they think of al gore running for president?
02/23/2007

5:00 p.m.
i went to look at a three bedroom apartment today. mittens and i are going to look again on sunday. please let us get this three bedroom apartment.
02/23/2007

1:22 p.m.
i found out from my dad that i have cherokee ancestors. how cool is that!?
02/23/2007

12:02 p.m.
so, like, i'm totally freaking out about getting old. okay, i've always been really freaked out about menopause. those hot flashes and mood swings scare me so. but now, wrinkles? i see pictures of drew barrymore, who's only three years older than me, and she got all those wrinkles. how they scare me.

what can i do so i never, ever get wrinkles? i use a daily moisturizer with sun block. but is that enough? oh, how i'm worried. i look at my face in the mirror and i can just tell.
02/23/2007

9:47 a.m.
i woke up with a horrible headache. i went to sleep and dreamed of descalating the behavior of several young men in jail.
02/22/2007

8:48 p.m.
sometimes i buy mittens a carton of cigarettes. it usually costs me about $55. in nashville, i carton of cigarettes was $27. and packs were $2.50. can you believe it? i haven't seen cigarettes under $3.00 since i was an undergrad.
02/21/2007

7:31 p.m.
mittens has authorized me to start looking at apartments. woot!

also:

whoa! i thought i was out of steak sauce. how could someone who eats steak 4-6 nights each week let herself run out of steak sauce!
02/21/2007

3:13 p.m.
not only did i fall down the stairs at jennifer convertables this morning, but this afternoon i got my period. yes! my life is awesome.
02/21/2007

2:23 p.m.
holy shit! britney's out of treatment again!
02/21/2007

2:09 p.m.
jesus! i go away for four days and britney spears manages to check in and out of treatment, shave her head, get a couple of tattoos and check back into treatment.
02/21/2007

2:08 p.m.
i'm back from vaction. i've asked mittens if we can move away from the city. he says no.
02/21/2007

7:51 p.m.
let me tell you about that bitch art teacher today.

yesterday morning, she called the young teacher at 8:20 to ask if we were having school. school started in 10 minutes and with the snow, it ended up taking here about an hour to get there. we kind of laughed it off.

then today, at 8:10, she called the young teacher again and told him she would be there about half way through 1st period, about 9:00. at 9:30, she still wasn't there so i called our boss to see if she'd heard from her. my boss was like, "no, isn't she there?" i said, "no, she called harris and said she'd be here at about 9:00." my boss told me to tell the art teacher to call her.

at about 9:45, the art teacher came in and walked by, i said, "you need to call sue." she said something to me about i don't need to worry about what she does. i couldn't believe it.

so later in the afternoon i said to her, "did you call sue?" would you believe she started yelling at me and saying, "your job is to worry about getting your 1st period class together, not me. you need to worry about your job, not me." and she's like, yelling at me! i couldn't fucking believe it. i told her, "maria, if you're going to be late, you have to call sue. you don't call another teacher and have him tell someone you're going to be out. you have to call your boss." she started going on and on about how she doesn't have our boss' number and i couldn't even say good morning to her and i don't know what's going on at her home. i didn't say anything to that and just went into my classroom and shut the door.

about an hour later, after i'd cooled off, i called my boss and asked her if maria had called her. she said she hadn't heard from maria until later in the day and that she's given maria her number several times. so i told her she can deal with the whole situation.

mind you, last week this crazy woman went home early without calling our boss and hasn't worked a full eight hour day since the second week of school. she also teaches only four classes and has two planning periods while every other teacher teaches a full day with no planning period. in the afternoon, while we're running around trying to do points and get homework together and stuff, she's complaining about how bored she is and how she wants to go home. she's only on our unit one day each week, so i can't really give her any responsibilities.

two weeks ago she was reprimanded by the program director saying to a student, "what are you, a rat?" when he told another student he wasn't getting his points so the kid would straighten out. she also refused to allow a certain group worker in classroom her so that i had to leave my class for about 20 minutes and sort it out. these were both in the same day.

then, the week before that, we had a resident who was too big for all the uniforms. this crazy woman came to me and said there was a caseworker staring at her and licking his lips. i asked her who it was but she just kept saying a caseworker. finally, we figured out what the deal was. it was the (now AWOL) resident who wasn't in uniform. i guess she hadn't noticed that in the two years she's been teaching, there's never been a caseworker in class. when we wrote the incident report, all she put in it was that he kept looking at her and that he was a caseworker. but she told me, as i was helping he write it (she's Brazilian and doesn't have great written English), she kept saying over and over again that it all could have been prevented if i'd told her there was a resident out of uniform. i put it in there because it was her incident report and i was just helping her with the English. so i gave it to the program director who freaked out about why she hadn't taken roll to make sure all the students were there? which was the same thing i'd said to the crazy art teacher!!!

then, she was at another building for a couple of weeks and in Brazil for about a month. but before that i had to talk to her about our expectations for the residents. i actually had to tell her that if a kid just scribbled on a paper and turned it in he was not to get his points and that we don't have an "at least he did something" attitude in the school. all this bitch does is talk about is "how hard their lives have been," and "they are just babies."

also, she came to me on Tuesday and told me that the teachers in the other schools didn't like me because i'm not social enough with them. i was like, "well, when i have time to sit around and be social with them, i will. for now, i'm the only person in the state who has to do treatment plans and assessments."
02/15/2007

6:59 p.m.
mittens just moved my car from the street to the driveway. thanks mittens.
02/14/2007

6:53 p.m.
mittens is annoyed because i am parked on the street. i am not worried about it.

he is also confused about why i had one slipper down in the kitchen and the other one in the upstairs closet.
02/14/2007

6:45 p.m.
i still haven't figured out why the pilgrims decided to stay here. that was stupid if you ask me
02/14/2007

6:42 p.m.
mittens is out shovelling snow. i had to go to work today. i will probably have to go tomorrow. no thanks to god.
2007-02-14

5:01 p.m.
i need to get up and move the laundry to the dryer, but i've got a cat on my lap and i don't want to bother him.
2007-02-11

4:54 p.m.
please keep your fingers crossed for a big snow tuesday night and wednesday morning. i would love to have a day off work. but make sure you wish for clear weather on friday so i can still go see my dad. thank you.
2007-02-11

9:52 a.m.
oooh, i forgot the diarrhea that comes with being hung over. i had one or two key lime pie martinis too many. see what happens when mittens goes out of town.
2007-02-11

8:32 p.m.
okay, i just found the guy i'm going for on american idol.
2007-02-06

7:52 p.m.
how i hate that sarah silverman. i'm almost tempted to stop watching comedy central all together except i don't really watch it that much anyway. only sometimes when i want to see scrubs. so, whatever.

i'd love to have a braum's biskets and gravey right now. how i love it and miss it.

i am so excited to see my dad. i'm probably also excited to have the time off work. mostly, i think i'm happy to see my dad and to spend a few days with mittens.

i'd love to be on american idol.
2007-02-06

7:07 p.m.
i started taking the flonase a while back. and when i started taking it, i thought i was getting sick with a cold. i stopped taking it because the sample the doctor gave me ran out and i was too lazy to mail away for the prescription. finally i mailed away for it and it came in. when i started taking it again, i thought i was getting sick with a cold. but i'm not. i feel fine. i can't wait for a couple of weeks to go by so i can really feel the full effects.
2007-02-04

6:59 p.m.
mittens is like crazy with the video games right now. what will he do when we go on vacation?

during the next weekend he will be away in new york with his friend. that is fine with me because i can do the following:

get my hair and eyebrows done
clean the apartment and start packing away some stuff
drink with maryann and remi
get a v-day gift for mittens
do the laundry
pack!
think about doing my taxes, mail them in if i'm getting a refund (i'm not)
maybe hit an extra yoga class or do some practice at home
deal with getting the new couch

i can't wait to see my dad. i'm so excited. how i've missed him and how happy i am he's doing so much better. i still think often about what i'll do when he's gone, but for now i think i'll try to enjoy him.
2007-02-04

4:59 p.m.
oooh, i can't wait to have some fried clams tonight!!!
2007-02-02

4:16 p.m.
my sinuses are draining. and i'm coughing a lot. uh-oh.
2007-02-01

7:21 p.m.
i'd never had a tuna steak, but they were on sale so i bought some. mittens marinated them in some soy sauce. when he tasted it, he said it was good but very fishy. i don't like fishy fish. i ate about 1/3 of it and that was all i could handle. so i've experienced that.

i have three weeks of work until i have some time off. it will be a hard three weeks, but i know i can do it. our other teacher should be back in a few days which will make things much easier for me. i got a whole week off in february which will be so nice. i hope to start packing things i don't use and to get rid of things i haven't had out in a long time.

mittens and i are going to nashville for a few days to visit my dad. i'm so excited! mittens has never met him and i know they'll really like each other. my dad told me on the phone i sound so happy when i talk about mittens. and i told my dad about how much respect and love and trust mittens and i have for each other. i might be the luckiest girl on earth.

i'm a little worried about my dad. it sounds like he's slipped back into his old habits. i know he's drinking again and he's taken back his old job. he told me they offered him a 65% pay increase so he decided it was worth it. he's also bought a huge house with a huge plasma tv. it's so different from the dad i had a year ago when he bought a small house and decided he didn't need all those things. but i guess i won't feel so bad when next time i ask him for money.

mittens and i are going to start looking for an apartment in march. i'm excited to be moving out of the city finally. the drive to work won't be much longer either. maybe we can get a third cat, though i'm not sure about that. i just can't wait to get to see mittens every day and to do all the silly stuff we do every day.
2007-01-28

8:11 p.m.
uhg, i just realized i've had my oven on for the last 24 hours! how much is my gas bill going to be next month? like, $50. it's normally only about $12.
2007-01-25

8:59 p.m.
how could it have been a week since i last updated this!? are you jealous i got my jem dvds? are you jealous that i just changed the channel to watch sex and the city instead of the state of the union address? what about this yeast infection i think i have? are you jealous of that? i can't decide if i have one or not.

the letter "j" isn't working so great on this computer. that suxors because my name starts with "j." i'm so glad to be home tonight. how i missed these cats! i love it when they curl up with me.
2007-01-23

8:35 p.m.
do you want to hear a secret? mittens is on the other end of the phone watching american idol!
2007-01-16

9:22 p.m.
mittens has been very loving lately. we're in love.
2007-01-15

9:03 p.m.
how do i get a job as a stylist?
2007-01-15

8:55 p.m.
mittens told me something else he likes about me and i can't remember what it is because i didn't write it down right away. i'm very sad.

ooh, i can't wait to start watching the american idol try outs. after that, i'll stop watching it.

have i told you lately how i love yoga. it's so fun and i feel so good afterwards. and it gets rid of my headaches.

i love this show "high maintenance 90210." and i love hearing people speculate about why men love jack bauer so.
2007-01-15

11:10 a.m.
mittens tell me he loves me and i always believe him. but yesterday he told me he loves my hair. he's never said he loves anything about me. it's the nicest thing ever.

i just ordered the first two seasons of jem. don't hate.
2007-01-14

1:54 p.m.
i'm at mittens' house. he insists on watching football today. he doesn't normally watch it, so i'm pretty forgiving about it. also, i left my lunch for tomorrow at home, so i'm going to run there to get it. i'm also going to get stuff for us to make pizza for dinner.

here's something funny: mittens has a 12-sided die that he keeps on the computer desk. he insists that the number 11 always faces the front. i just turned it so it doesn't. what he going to do when he notices?!
2007-01-07

8:57 a.m.
so my computer has been at mittens' house all week while i've been dealing with a madd headache since going back to work on tuesday. finally, i'm better.

i keep getting telemarketer calls on my cell phone. early in the morning, at like, 9:10, everyday. they want to talk to me about how i get get an even lower rate on my student loans. i should just tell them, "no thank you," but i'm too lazy and too busy to pick up the phone. should i leave a message on my voice mail for them?
2007-01-06

10:44 a.m.
things to do today:
laundry
clean bedroom, bathroom and kitchen
shower
cancel gym membership
drop of records release form to doctor
return eye glass repair stuff that didn't work to cvs
return hair dye i didn't use to sally
get in touch with alyssa
mail gym membership form
2006-12-28

2:01 p.m.
i went to the doctor about this year this morning. she says i have swimmer's ear. that is strange because i don't swim and because when i did swim, i never got it. anyway, she gave me so ear drops and a prescription for flonase for me to take twice a day for my post nasal drip. i used to take it and it helped, i don't know why i stopped.

i got my hair done today. it looks so good.

i need to cancel my curves membership today. i haven't been in months and i really love the yoga. so i don't see any reason to pay $40/month for curves when it's that much for yoga. right?
2006-12-27

2:01 p.m.
i went to the doctor about this year this morning. she says i have swimmer's ear. that is strange because i don't swim and because when i did swim, i never got it. anyway, she gave me so ear drops and a prescription for flonase for me to take twice a day for my post nasal drip. i used to take it and it helped, i don't know why i stopped.

i got my hair done today. it looks so good.

i need to cancel my curves membership today. i haven't been in months and i really love the yoga. so i don't see any reason to pay $40/month for curves when it's that much for yoga. right?
2006-12-27

4:26 p.m.
don't you hate it when holly kicks that cat out of the cab and into the rain in "breakfast at tiffany's?"
2006-12-26

3:37 p.m.
i don't think it's ever going to get cold here again.
2006-12-26

10:24 a.m.
so i'm pretty sure this thing on my head is some sort of ear infection. last night, when i was standing outside in the cold i could feel stuff moving around. you know, like when there's water in your ear. that's what it was like. and today, i feel some pressure inside my ear. i won't go into the details about my last ear infection, but it was funky.

i spent christmas eve and christmas day with mittens' family who are all very italien. here's what i ate:

spaghetti with lobster sause
shrimp scampi
baked stuffed lobster
razor clams
baked stuffed shrimp
a biscut
clam stuffing
cheesecake
roast beef
stuffed mushrooms
more baked stuffed shrimp
lasagna
strawberry shortcake

mittens was so nice helping me to get the meat out of the lobster tail. it was indeed as rich and sweet as i'd always heard. you need only a few bites.

but how i miss the turkey and stuffing and sweet potatos and baked beans and green beans and pecan pies of home. is it wrong of me to look the free meal gifthorse in the mouth? especially when the free meal is lobster and clams and shrimp and other delicious stuff?
2006-12-26

7:57 a.m.
i have some kind of sore on my head. it's kind of behind my right ear. it aches and is swollen and hot. i'm going to call the dr. today. why does this always happen when i'm off work for vacation?
2006-12-26

7:56 p.m.
the young man who taught my yoga class tonight smelled like b.o. it made it hard to breath in, breath out.

i feel so bad writing about such stupid little things when other people are experiencing such serious heartache.
2006-12-21

7:16 p.m.
how can this be? i told mittens about 25 times that i'd really, really, really like to have the clapper for christmas. i also told him they had those cat clocks with the eyes that go back and forth at walgreens for. and then, this week he said, "i just don't know what to get you at all." grrr!
2006-12-20

7:50 p.m.
i can't tell if i'm sick or not. it's about the right time for me to get sick, but it doesn't seem that bad yet. i hope i'm not too sick.
2006-12-19

8:02 p.m.
for my birthday, mittens got me a $15 gift card from target. mittens knows i absolutely, 100% despise gift cards to big stores like wal-mart, target, home depot, marshall's/ross. i'm okay with them for individual stores at the mall or movies/restaurents. anyway, so he got me a gift card to target. and i thought for a while about what i was going to buy. i went and looked on the clearance racks but couldn't find anything i liked. then, i remembered i have all these louis wain pictures i wanted to frame. so i got one of those frames that holds 9 pictures (4"x6"). i'm going to get it all set up over christmas break. yay!
2006-12-18

7:58 p.m.
i got a birthday/xmas card from my dad and his wife. thanks dad and step mother!
2006-12-18

3:52 p.m.
i love jimmy buffet.
2006-12-15

3:47 p.m.
dear 300 people who are sick from eating at the olive garden,

if you are eating at the olive garden, you deserve to get sick. you should have just stayed in and openned a $0.79 can of hunts spaghetti sauce and and cooked some chicken in the microwave. at least then you would have saved some money.


2006-12-15

9:01 p.m.
i do not think it is possible for anyone to love cats as much as i do. i only love adult male cats, though. kittens are gross and female cats are unstable.

remi, maryann and i were walking around talking about what kinds of cute things we like. maryann likes skulls, remi likes something i can't remember. but why did they laugh when i said, "i like cats."

i'll tell you what. i hate cartoon cats unless they are louis wain cartoon cats. other cartoon cats, like garfeild and heathcliff aren't like real cats. i like them, just not the way i like real life cats and louis wain cats.


2006-12-12

8:21 p.m.
okay, seriously, the guy up stairs has to quit with the video games.
2006-12-12

2:20 p.m.
is it wrong for me to be looking at pictures of cats during professional development?
2006-12-12

8:36 p.m.
dear sarah, i'm sorry.
2006-12-11

8:36 p.m.
dear sarah, i'm sorry.
2006-12-11

4:28 p.m.
i'm so excited the yoga lady started doing 5:00 classes. that means i'll be home at 6:30 instead of 7:30.

tonight i'm having biscuts and gravy for dinner. jealous yet?
2006-12-11

5:00 p.m.
oh how cold it is.
2006-12-08

9:39 p.m.
these cats need to not bother me tonight so i can get some sleep.
2006-12-05

8:53 p.m.
why are some 311 songs so good and laid back while others such abominations.

is that a real word? did i use it right?

everyone is making fun of gwen stefani's hair. i've been dreaming of having that hair doo lately.


2006-12-05

8:29 p.m.
so, what was i going to say?

i want to move away from the city. it's too loud here.
2006-12-05

8:18 p.m.
let's see if we can bang this professional development assignment out in the next 12 minutes.
2006-12-04

5:10 p.m.
my mom and tammy split up this weekend.
2006-12-04

15:20
i hate when the wbmason website won't load so i can order stuff.
2006-12-01

10:04 p.m.
don't you just love retroplex?
2006-11-30

8:21 p.m.
neither my mom or dad called me on my birthday. my mom called me on sunday to find out if i'd gotten my gift (i got it tuesday) but didn't actually call me on my birthday. i never even heard from my dad. that makes me so sad.
2006-11-30

10:03 p.m.
i'm not really sure that showing your hoo-ha and hanging out with paris hilton is the best way to get custody of your kids when you are in the middle of a divorce.

i always loved the fat, trashy nicole richie.
2006-11-29

8:48 p.m.
oooh, so listen to the conversation i just had with mittens:

mittens: i'm going to take a ride with angela for a while.
me: okay. where are you guys going to go?
mittens: probably just to get coffee on route one or something.
me: okay.
mittens: you don't like when i hang out with her.
me: no.
mittens: i'm not out trying to hook up with ex-girlfriend. you're my number one.
me: i know and i trust you. i'm just insecure.

i wish i'd finished talking to him about it. i would have told him how when he hangs out with her, i start to think he compares me to her, even though i know i'm just comparing myself to her.

and i really do trust him and there's not a doubt in my mind that he loves me. but i don't trust her, i don't care how nice she is. she's single and calls him often and recently they've been hanging out more often. those are the things that bother me. really, i don't think it's okay to just hang out with some other girl's boyfriend without anyone else. like, if they were out with a bunch of people i'd be fine. but really, if you're single, you shouldn't be initiating hanging-outs with other people's boyfriends. that's just funny-money, you know.

and i guess maybe i'm a irriatated with him, too. like, i trust him, but i don't want him out driving around alone with another girl. i don't want him having conversations about who knows what with other girls when i just now feel like we're getting close.

maybe i'm selfish, but i want to be the only girl mittens hangs out with alone. not because i don't trust him, but because i want to be the only girl who's in that sort of intimate space with him.
2006-11-28

8:39 p.m.
man, i miss when i used to tell people to watch out for the fake poop i always put on the sales counter or floor and then say, "oh, watch it."
2006-11-28

4:23 p.m.
you should see the giant pimple on my jaw.
2006-11-27

3:27 p.m.
dear mittens,

i'm sorry i have been really bitchy and mean for the past few days. i just have cramps and acne and am bloated and i feel just gross.

on the other hand, please stop being grossed out by the box of tampons.

mittensgirl
2006-11-25

8:18 a.m.
my friend maryann is fucking loud. like, east boston loud. right. so we were at this sort of fancy sushi place last week and she's talkng and saying fuck every other word (like she's from east boston) when all of a sudden we hear "shhh!" we all looked at each other and i was like, "did we just get shhhed?" remy thought we had. i guess maryann decided it was a good idea to just talk louder and she said, "i don't fucking care if i'm being loud, i'm having a conversation." then, i looked over and it was someone shhhing their child.
2006-11-23

8:12 a.m.
it's my favorite holiday of the year and boom! my period. fuck you!!!
2006-11-23

8:31 p.m.
i will now go finish reading about britny's divorce and the aztecs.
2006-11-21

8:02 p.m.
when i was in high school a guy named lucas herriman was really not nice to me. the memories are painful. maybe what was painful was that he started hanging out with my friends starting the last year of high school and thought he could be a tough guy and infiltrate. and he was sort of right, but this guy derrek who i'd crushed on since middle school told him to stop while the girl who was supposed to be my best friend joined in on the whole thing.

then, i got a random email from classmates dot com saying someone had just looked at my profile. i didn't remember writing a profile. i looked it up and it said the usual stuff: i'm a math teacher and principal in a juvenile correctional facility for boys, etc.

but guess who had just looked up my profile: that asshole lucas herriman. i'm sorry, but if you thought you were a tough guy in high school, you're totally owned if you're looking up people on classmates dot com.
2006-11-21

5:02 p.m.
it is important for me to have a bm before yoga. just so you know.
2006-11-21

4:44 p.m.
thank god all that oj simpson stuff was cancelled!

how about this email:

To: mittens
Subject: i have...
...a headache!
what was going on with you and that cat last night!?

From: mittens
Subject: i have...
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! HE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING
2006-11-21

4:46 p.m.
god! do i stink today? gross!
2006-11-20

9:11 p.m.
i love everything aztec. did you all know that? i think so much about aztec things and how i love to go back in time to see all that. i love the way all that stuff looks. i'd like to read a book about aztec civilization and cortes. i'd like to read a book about aztec mythology. i'd like to give neil young and crazy horse a big hug for the song cortez the killer.
2006-11-16

5:40 p.m.
i took the afternoon off today because of a headache. how i wish these storms would stop rolling in so i wouldn't get them. i slept for two hours. i dreamed i was about to cry because christian was spending more time with his old girlfriend than with me. i'm sure that makes me a jealous, insecure loser. i dreamed that because a while back they went to that mexican restaurent i love but we never go to.

AND what the hell?! why was not britny spear on the cover of the gossip magazines this week? i mean really, who's surprised that they guy reece witherspoon married is a loser? he's never been in even one good movie.

for some reason, i never sleep well tuesday nights. that makes it hard for me to go out wedensday nights with remi, maryann and alyssa. i don't know why i don't sleep well those nights. i just wake up every wednesday feeling like i never slept at all.

mittens and i are going to get a place together next summer. we are both excited. he told me i will not be allowed in the kitchen which is fine with me. today he said something about how he doesn't get pets because they will someday die. i told him raoul and oscar will be his pets. and he agreed. do you think he needs to fill out paperwork for adoption?
2006-11-15

5:24 p.m.
i'm skipping yoga tonight because i just need to let my body rest.
2006-11-15

5:26 p.m.
i'm still just not feeling life right now.
2006-11-13

1:10 p.m.
yes! seasonale is now available as a generic! that will save me about $250/year.
2006-11-10

10:28 p.m.
so i had lost all my faith in the accuracy of tabloids until today.
2006-11-07

9:42 p.m.
oscar looks like he's going to throw up.

go dems!
2006-11-07

9:35 p.m.

2006-11-07

8:27 p.m.
so i've made a list of three doctors to call about this thing on my nose. after the way my last doctor screwed up, i really want to have it looked at. it keeps getting bigger and it's freaking me out and making me feel really unattractive.

yoga was really good tonight. the teacher even said i'm doing very good at the bow stuff which seems really easy, but is really hard. people keep asking me what kind of yoga i'm doing, but i don't know the answer. i just say, "the kind where you turn your hips. that doesn't usually mean anything, but whatever.
2006-11-07

4:42 p.m.
i'm not abandonning this blog by any means! i've just got nothing to say anymore. mittens can't sleep in my bed anymore because it kills his back. we will have to sleep in his when we get our place next summer.

the yoga is so fun even though i'm too fat to do some of it. my back feels nice and strong and i'm starting to feel more firm. my legs are starting to look better so hopefully next year i won't been too embarrassed to wear a swimsuit. i keep hoping for very lovely weather friday so i can maybe go ride my bike for an hour or so. mittens lives in such a nice area that i'd like to go out there and ride if it's not too cold and windy.

i still need to find a new doctor. i will work on that tomorrow. i also need to move my thursday morning dr. appointment. i wonder if they'll be open friday.

please let some interesting stuff happen to me soon.
2006-11-07

5:24 p.m.
i can't wait to get home from yoga so i can read savage love.
2006-11-02

5:15 p.m.
my students helped me figure out what to get mittens for his birthday! thanks guys!
2006-10-30

9:41 p.m.
guess what: my favorite episode of full house is on. the one where stephanie drives are car through the kitchen wall. yes!!!
2006-10-26

8:48 p.m.
i got a book on the history of math. i can't wait to start reading it this weekend.
2006-10-26

8:44 p.m.
1. at the library, the librarian said to me, "exsqueeze me," to me. i did not like that.

2. i might be in love with the hr guy on the office.

3. i got gas for less than $2/gallon. don't hate.

4. another awesome yoga class, but i totally wasn't in "the zone." i was on a spot where the floor kept creaking. how annoying it was and every time i'd start to focus, i'd lose it and bam, i was falling over.

5. go tigers!
2006-10-26

5:28 p.m.
man, my yoga class last night really killed. how sore my back is. but i feel so firm. woooo!
2006-10-26

9:05 p.m.
dear mittens,

please, let's run away quiet somewhere.

love,
jodie
2006-10-25

9:00 p.m.
congratulations jodie, you're still in the running to become america's next top model.
2006-10-25

2:27 p.m.
so i kept thinking about the couch i have on layaway. i love the color, but it isn't as comfortable as one that comes in tan and is $100 cheaper but that has to be ordered from asia and takes 14-16 weeks to come in and that costs $100 less but that will be an extra $100 to have done in the red color i want. so i went today to pay another $300 on the one i was sort of lukewarm about and decided the reason i hadn't gotten the other one was because i didn't want to wait 4 months, but then i decided i would wait after all because if i'm spending so much money, i should get what i want. so even though remi told me her couch was broken when she got it from asia, i went ahead and ordered it today so i can have it some time in february. and it will be comfortable. i now owe $200 on it plus the delivery fee ($90) and the lifetime stain protection thing ($100.) i'm thinking about not getting it, though, because it only covers food stains and i never eat on the couch. so for now i'll just be paying about $100/month until it gets here. i'm going to try to sell my couch in january and if i can get $200 for it, i'll definately get the warrenty, just in case.

i'm glad i decided to get the one i really wanted and just deal with waiting for it. it's going to be so awesome!
2006-10-21

7:09 p.m.
i had an awesome bike ride tonight. it was only 8 miles, but it was the first time i've gotten to ride since september. oh how i wish we'd get a few more days of lovely weather.
2006-10-19

5:21 p.m.
mittens and i carved our pumpkins this weekend. he made me do mine over!
2006-10-17

8:31 p.m.
mittens and i had the following conversation:

me: i'm going to get my nails done, hopefully that will make me feel better (as i'd been sick).
mittens: why do girls get their nails done when they are depressed?
me: i don't know, i'm pretty much always depressed anyway, so it doesn't really matter i guess.
mittens: but why do girls do that?
me: i do it because it makes me feel better. it makes me feel attractive since i'm having so much trouble losing weight. i try to do something to make myself feel better, you know.
mittens: i see.
2006-10-12

4:42 p.m.
oh i'm starving, but you're supposed to practice yoga on an empty stomach.
2006-10-12

4:34 p.m.
the headache lingers but is mostly better.
2006-10-11

8:24 p.m.
oh this headache.
2006-10-10

9:31 p.m.
maybe i actually feel good today. first the first time in months.
2006-10-05

9:10 p.m.
mittens sometimes calls me "the lady" or his "bird." i love both of those.
2006-10-05

9:10 p.m.
okay, i'm very ready to get back to working out every day. starting tomorrow, i should be able to ride my bike for an hour everyday since i got the new trainer in the mail. next week yoga classes start monday-thursday so i can do that as well. hopefully i can do an hour of yoga and 20 minutes of bike mondays, tuesdays and thursdays and about an hour of biking wednesdays and saturdays. that would put me right back on track. yay.
2006-10-04

6:33 p.m.
i just used the word, "wicked." in place of the word, "really." how do you think that sounds in my freaky oklahoma-cum-boston accent.
2006-10-04

6:27 p.m.
did you know dylan's sister erika ends up being a prostitute? i thought i knew everything that happens on 90210.
2006-10-04

10:01 a.m.
this business of being sick just won't work. really. how my sinuses and throat burn. i must go back to work tomorrow. boooooo!
2006-10-04

12:49 p.m.
i'd been planning on taking a sick day this week anyway. just so i could rest and get my car fixed. i left work early yesterday because i just couldn't handle it. and today i feel awful. but i had to get the car over to the mechanic. thankfully, my mechanic is right down the street so i was able to drop the car off first thing this morning and i can go pick it up later in the evening, thus leaving me lots of time to rest and doze and start to feel better. i need to go back to work tomorrow, you see. maybe i'll only go for half a day, though, if i can find something to record on tv. i need to get better by the weekend so we can go to the topsfield fair.

in other news, i finally found a table small enough for my dining room. yay. it needs to be sanded and either painted or stained, but it'll be a nice project for me.
2006-10-03

2:30 p.m.
i'm home sick. booooo!
2006-10-02

9:14 p.m.
mittens sometimes calls me his bird or "the lady." i'm rather partial to "the lady."
2006-09-28

9:12 p.m.
mittens said to me, "we have the rest of our lives to spend time together." and i wondered when that would start.
2006-09-28

9:04 p.m.
i need to fold the laundry.
2006-09-28

9:01 p.m.
there was a bee crawling on me just now!
2006-09-28

4:27 p.m.
at least i look good today.
2006-09-28

5:58 p.m.
why does fergie look like a 50 year old woman who's had plastic surgery?
2006-09-27

5:15 p.m.
go away blue jay! go the fuck away.
2006-09-26

9:25 p.m.
i cannot get enough of this less than jake song from good burger!
2006-09-25

9:17 p.m.
mittens and i are so in love. no matter how much i complain, don't forget it!
2006-09-25

5:21 p.m.
if i could go back and start college all over again, i'd be a math major.
2006-09-25

5:17 p.m.
my landlord got us new mail boxes. i now have one all to myself. yay!
2006-09-25

8:52 p.m.
i bought a new couch today! well, okay, i didn't buy it, but i put $100 down and should have it paid off by mid-november. it's red micro-suede which is exactly what i was looking for. the couch itself was only $600, but i'm getting the $100 lifetime warrenty since oscar likes to pee on my stuff when he gets mad. i'm pretty sure i can sell my couch since i've only sat on it 10 or so times. it doesn't have any stains or anything, so i'm hoping i can get $200-300 for it. that would knock what i owe down to $300-400.

anyone in the boston area want to buy a couch? it's a lovely hunter green and in perfect condition.
2006-09-24

7:29 p.m.
i like owen wilson, but i do not like luke wilson. for some reason, whenever they're in a movie together it feels really incestuous and gross to me.
2006-09-23

5:20 p.m.
le boyfriend gets back tomorrow. i can't wait until he gets here. he says the first thing he wants to do is go home and do the laundry. isn't that typical?
2006-09-23

2:42 p.m.
i got a 30% off coupon for ny and company.
2006-09-23

10:53 a.m.
fuck you, asshole rain! just as soon as i got my bike on the car and hit to road to get to dear island, it started raining.
2006-09-23

9:29 p.m.
there's something really wrong about kol's secret slumber party and the slumber party girls.
2006-09-21

9:08 p.m.
what do you call a vodka shirley temple? when my friend chris used to get me into the hilo when i was 16, that's what he would order me. and they were delicious. but i hate going to a bar and ordering a "vodka shirley temple." people always look at me like i'm nuts but the drink just makes so much sense!
2006-09-21

15:17
some days i hate my job. today is not one of those days.
2006-09-21

7:48 p.m.
i don't find dane cook funny. do you know why? because in order to be a good physical comedian, you have to be a good actor. you can't look like you've been rehearsing your moves and your routine for the last month. and that's what he looks like. he's no lucille ball or michael richards or steve martin or penny marshall or anyone. i realize the physical humor is what's gotten him so far, but it's not good physical humor.

i'm very picky about my comedy, you know.
2006-09-19

7:30 p.m.
the internet is boring, don't you agree?
2006-09-18

5:23 p.m.
so i'm on my way to my second yoga class tonight. i'm pretty excited, i guess. not as excited as if i were going to ride my bike. i'm just not sure if i believe all the stuff that comes along with yoga, you know. like all the spiritual stuff about souls and being in touch with oneself. i'm not really into any of that stuff. anyway, i think that once it gets really too cold for me to ride my bike, i'll sign up for the unlimited classes for $40/month. otherwise, i'll be spending $80/month when i start going twice each week and i just can't afford that, you know. i tried practicing the other night and i just couldn't do any of the balence poses. i've had so many other things on my mind lately.
2006-09-18

6:20 p.m.
at 7:00 tonight i was finally able to get ahold of mittens. he hadn't realized it was 7 here. they'd just had lunch. he says he got some (what i think is good) news. he says he's underwhelmed, but i think he's overwhelmed. he says he's says he doesn't want to tour and make no money and have nobody show up. he says next time he goes away for two weeks, he wants to go away with me (i think he's just trying to tug at my heart). he says he doesn't want to have to quit his job and find a new one when things don't work out.

all that together, all that he's thinking about tells me that he's overwhelmed and anxious and scared. wouldn't you agree? but i'm going to keep talking to him and tell him to do it.

i finally cleaned out my closet. i managed to collect a bag for stuff to put into the planet earth drop off when mittens gets back. i found a satin shirt i can now wear since my stomach is getting smaller. i just need to get some brown shoes to go with it. i also found a skirt i desparately need to hem and a few pairs of heavy winter pants i got at the end of last winter and had forgotten about. they also need to be hemmed. the good news is that i'm pretty happy with my wardrobe right now. except for the skirt i bought at target last week that is too tight. i'm hoping that by the end of the year it will fit if i can keep losing weight. i also got to sit and stare at my two awesome party dresses. the day one is red with white small dots and white netting underneith to give it a nice full skirt. it's got little straps to keep it up. it's so june cleaver! the night time dress is almost exactly the same, only it's black with pink dots and black netting. i love them both so and wish jobeth were getting married all over again so i could wear the day one to the bridal shower. wouldn't all of nancy merrill's friends be so impressed with me?! maybe then i'd even get the approval of nancy merrill.

today i was able to ride for an hour and tomorrow i have an hour of yoga. tuesday, i'll hopefully ride again and then weights and a 40 minute walk on wednesday, then a ride on thursday, friday and saturday. oh, check this out: i went to target today to get a yoga mat. they were all $20. i thought, they are really milking this shit for all it's worth, aren't they? but as i looked through them, i noticed one of those little orange stickers on the florescent green ones. you know, the orange stickers that meaning clearance. i was able to get the florescent green mat for $5. how awesome is that! did i mention my goal is to be comfortably in a 14 by the end of the year? that way, when i go shopping with maryann and remi, i won't feel so left out because the clothes at 80% of the stores don't come in my size. (like those assholes at h&m who don't make tops in xl.)

finally, mittens gets back on sunday morning. finally. it's been so long since we've seen each other and i know it's going to be at least another week until we get to spend a significant amount of time together.

i wish there was another step for us to take in this relationship. i can't help but wonder if this is as far as this relationship goes. i wish we were able to come to some agreements about what we want.

as an aside, i'm drinking again. i've been able to keep it down to wednesday night when i go out with remi and maryann or the nights i have to go see mittens' band play. i think as long as i keep no alcohol in the house and limit myself to two drinks. if i limit it to that, i should be okay.
2006-09-17

4:40 p.m.
mittens, please come home soon.
2006-09-17

8:21 p.m.
this is my third weekend in a row without mittens. he finally comes back next next sunday morning, which will mean we will have gone a month with seeing each other about three times. and i'm pretty okay with it. i think because i know that he's definately coming back and when he'll finally be here. i miss him so.
2006-09-16

1:55 p.m.
mittens once tried to give me this cd he'd gotten at work called, "jodie hates the world." how could he be so right on?
2006-09-16

10:58 a.m.
raoul is insisting on drinking out of my water. how frustrating it is! i've put down fresh water for him and washed out his bowl. i wonder if he dislikes the new location of his water bowl.

i weighed myself at the gym last week. i've lost 3.5 lbs since my last visit. yay. that puts me at about 15 lbs until i reach my goal weight. woot!
2006-09-16

8:45 a.m.
i woke up at 3:30 with horrible stomach cramps. how they killed and i went to the bathroom for about 20 minutes. after, i dreamed i broke up with mittens because i just got too tired of everyone else coming before me in his life. and because his last long term girlfriend, who just broke up with him, kept calling him which worried me. that's a fact in real life, too. i'm very insecure.
2006-09-16

7:45 a.m.
for the first time in well over two weeks, i think i'll get to ride my bike. the sky is finally clear and there's no wind. my ebay auction ends in about 7 hours and there are a few more available afterwards in case i don't get the first one i wanted.

oh! look at this electric bike motor i want to get! i could get all around the city without getting so sweaty!
2006-09-16

7:19 p.m.
i'm going for a walk now.

when my bike trainer gets here, i'm going to put it out on the porch and ride my bike out there. woooo! i'm so excited!
2006-09-15

7:18 p.m.
i just put an ebay bid on a new bike treadmill. how on earth could i have left mine in maryland?
2006-09-15

9:08 p.m.
tuesday night, i went to bed at 9:30. i woke up at 2:30 and stayed away until 5-ish. i was so tired wednesday but was supposed to go out with remi and maryann. when i got home from work wednesday, i took a nap from 5-6:30. when i awoke, the headache i'd had was gone. i got home from remi's house and was in bed by 10:45. i woke up at about 2:45 to go to the bathroom. then, when it was time for me to wake up for work, i was just fine.

i don't normally allow myself to take naps on the weekdays, but this was the second time recently when i've had a headache from being so tired that a nap has fixed it. i just worry that if i nap too much, i'll never get to sleep at night. that would be a serious problem. but i might spend a little more time and effort investigating this napping thing, you know.
2006-09-14

9:07 p.m.
what a headache
2006-09-12

5:30 p.m.
which should i do: go for a walk or go to the gym.

i haven't been able to ride my bike because of the wind. i might not be able to until next summer. suxor.

i started yoga last night.

i'm having a really time loosing weight. i'm assuming it's because of what happened to me back in march/april.

maybe i'll do both tonight.
2006-09-12

8:40 p.m.
there's chilly weather out. not quite fall weather, but definately cooler and more steady wind that i've ever experience over a nine day period. the wind has not stopped blowing since the second. the change from summer to fall is amazing here because it's so slow. at first, you're complaining about the heat, and then you're complaining about the cold. not because the cold suddenlyl gets there, but because you never even noticed the way the air has gotten more dry and a few degrees cooler for weeks.

anyway, this is my absolute favorite time of year. the first day it feels cold. i like it because it's not really that cold. today, it got into the mid 60s. not too bad, but when i got out of bed this morning and when i was just in the bathroom, i was freezing. and it also seems like my body can tell it's coming. i start to feel the cold all the way through this time of year. and in the summer, i can't get cold enough. i love when i feel the cold all the way through! i love when my nose is cold and i can't get it warm.
2006-09-11

8:48 p.m.
i'd like to be good with accessories.
2006-09-10

8:45 p.m.
damn, the people here never quit with the fire crackers, do they?
2006-09-10

6:06 p.m.
i was just at the baskinrobbins to get a chocolate malt. when i asked for extra malt powder in it, the lady said to me, "i don't think we have chocolate malts."
2006-09-09

5:29 p.m.
my cats have been really happy about how much more time i'm spending at home.
2006-09-09

5:18 p.m.
i just had a dream that i was hugging chris mock. it was the most wonderful thing to hug him.
2006-09-09

12:04 p.m.
this morning i did a 2.5 mile fitness walk. this will give me another 2000 points. there's another one i'm going to do on october 7th. that will put me up to at least 40,000 points. all of that, plus the points i can get for staying in network, using the health resource stuff, working out, renewing my first aid and cpr certification and maybe (finally!) losing some actual pounds, i might be able to make it up to gold next year. wooo!
2006-09-09

12:02 p.m.
i'm starting my first yoga class on monday. i'm really excited! last time i did yoga, i was so sore and tired after. i would like to cancel my gym membership to do the yoga instead. i think my gym contract is up in september or october.
2006-09-09

8:14 p.m.
i decided a few months ago that i wasn't going to get upset whenever mittens told me we'd spend some time together, but then change his mind for whatever reason. but now, when he tells me he's going to come to my house, i just start to feel rejected immediately while i wait for him to tell me he won't be coming to my house after all. then, we have this conversation:

mittens: are you mad?
me: does it matter if i'm mad? i can't tell you what to do.
mittens: you're mad.
me: it doesn't matter.

and then, even though i said i wouldn't let myself get mad anymore, i'm mad because i know he stayed up until 3 am the night before doing i don't know what on the computer while i lay in bed asking him how late he would stay up. and then i'm stuck feeling rejected and second to everything else, including whatever he's doing every night from 11pm until 3 am. i'm trying not to be an asshole by telling him how i really feel, because i'm afraid i'm going to tell him to call me when he's ready to actively participate in this relationship. i try not to blame myself because how am i responsible for not being more important to him? i've done everything i can to make him want me, but none of it really seems to be enough.

so the plan lately has been just to act like i don't care and hope that it hurts him as much as it hurts me. i don't want him to see me cry because i know it's not going to change anything and will just make me feel like i've given him more than he's been willing to give me.

i guess i'm kind of giving myself until the end of the school year to decide if i should stay around or not.
2006-09-04

12:05 p.m.
acne.
2006-09-04

12:07 a.m.
maybe the best part of having monday off is that i get to stay up late and watch talk sex with sue johannson. oh, right now there's a man on named jody. i love that name for a man. the whole time i watch it, though, i just thank my lucky stars that mittens isn't into any kind of anal sex. i also love the stupid questions people have, like, "my husband says that since we're married, i have to sleep with a woman while he watches because legally i have to do what he says. is that right?" okay, i made that up, but it still sounds like something someone would call in about, don't you think?

i'm really interested in finding out more about my family's origins. i've heard that my mom has german grandparents on one side. she's from upstate new york and her last name is dunlap. her mother's maiden name is twooey. my dad is from reno. his family on his father's side is mormon and our last name is martin. part of the mystery is around his mother. she was adopted, we think because she was either the product of a mixed relationship or very light for a black person. my dad appears to be mixed, but she left the family when he was three. he has no interest in making contact with her and i'd imagine she's passed away by now. does anyone know what i can do to find more about? we've got such common last names that i don't really know where to start. i'm also a little weary of asking questions. i know my dad doesn't like to talk about it and my mom is so flighty, i don't know that she's a good source.

my students keep asking me about it. i always tell them, "i don't know. we don't really talk about it in oklahoma. usually, people there just ask you what church you go to instead." i'd like to have and answer for them. and i guess for myself, too.
2006-09-04

10:22 p.m.
my hair is an afro. i love it. i wanted to take a picture, but it's too big. i need to get the color done.
2006-09-03

12:48 p.m.
i got a haircut.
2006-09-03

7:11 p.m.
I'm William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland!

Sometime Marquis of Tichfield, Earl of Portland, Viscount Woodstock, Baron of Cirencester, co-heir to the Barony of Ogle and renowned as the finest judge of horseflesh in England, you took the tradition of aristocratic eccentricity to unprecedented heights. Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.

Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d'amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.

You became ever more eccentric with age. You built another tunnel, this time to the railway station, through which you would ride your carriage. When you reached the station your carriage, with you inside, would be hoisted up onto the train in its entirety.

Upon your death, your multitude of titles passed to your cousin, who was obliged to delve into your curious domain to find your body once the servants had reported your absence. Entering your private rooms, he found that, aside from a commode in the centre of your bedroom, the only objects in the whole suite were hundreds of hatboxes, each containing a single brown wig.
2006-09-02

6:46 a.m.
boo on going back to school!
2006-08-31

9:36 p.m.
so i've got this long weekend without mittens. then for the next three weekends he will be on vacation. in california. so for about the next month i'll be completely by myself.
2006-08-30

5:42 p.m.
i have to start back at work on thursday. boooo.

tonight, i'm going to get high and relax with my boyfriend. yay!
2006-08-29

5:18 p.m.
so, check out what mittens is going to make me tonight:

"LINGUINE WITH WHITE CLAM SAUCE
2 doz. clams, chopped
1/4 c. olive oil
1 or 2 cloves garlic, minced
3/4 c. chopped parsley
2 tbsp. white wine
1 tsp. basil
2 lbs. linguine

"Open clams reserving juice. In a medium saucepan over medium high heat, heat oil and cook garlic until tender. Stir in reserved clam juice and remaining ingredients except clams. Simmer 10 minutes.

"Meanwhile, cook linguine until al dente. Stir in chopped clams, cook just until clams are heated through. Pour sauce over drained pasta."

oh won't it be awesome! are you jealous? let's see, i need to get some clams, clam juice (gross sounding), garlic, parsley, and basil.

i also need to get in the shower right away so i can get all this stuff. i should have gotten the clams when i was in winthrop at the place i'm going to start going to down there. instead, i'll go to the shaw's in wakefeild. it always reminds me of the giant.
2006-08-28

2:24 p.m.
i love it when my apartment is vacuumed.

don't you just love the way vacuumed has two "u"s in it?
2006-08-28

9:54 a.m.
i am chez mittens, watching a movie on lifetime about some guy stalking brooke shields. i think it might be jeff goldblum, only with straight hair.

i'm starving and i need to go ride my bike. maybe i'll try to sleep some more.
2006-08-28

5:47 p.m.
boy have i been sneezing a lot lately! and what a runny nose. and dry eyes. i've never had dry eyes. or a runny nose. i've been taking benadryl at night to help me sleep and to keep my nose from running all over the pillow.

also, i'm really excited that you can now download tim gunn podcasts. i love him. he's the only reason to watch that show. don't you agree?
2006-08-24

1:16 p.m.
my landlord has been digging a ditch from the front of the house to the back to help rain drain. he's been digging it for about three weeks. he's got all the dirt piled on one side and the rocks piled on the other side. hopefully, once the drain hose is buried in the ditch, the curb to my sidewalk will stop trying to fall over.
2006-08-24

5:17 p.m.
i'm running away from everything right now.
2006-08-23

4:16 p.m.
guess who's having surf and turf for a late lunch!?

when did i turn into such a hoity toity with my surf and turf and lattes?
2006-08-23

1:22 p.m.
fyi to myself:

i do not need to buy meat, rice, potatos or juice at the stop-n-shop for the next month (at least). i just need to thaw the shit in my freezer out. there's all kinds of good stuff in there: sausages, chicken, steads, corndogs and fish. so, for the next month, all i should need to buy is lunch meat, bread, milk and fruit.
2006-08-23

12:45 p.m.
i'm going to ride my bike now. i guess.
2006-08-23

5:46 p.m.
i think i'll eat some cheese.
2006-08-22

5:44 p.m.
uhg, i forgot i have to go to professional development friday. boooo. hisssss.
2006-08-22

5:38 p.m.
ooh, i've got a headache.
2006-08-22

11:53 a.m.
i emailed my dad because the recipe i have for baked scallops and haddock calls for 1/4 cup white wine. my dad knows a lot about wine but recently quit drinking. it wasn't until after i'd emailed him to find out what kind i should use that i remembered. i had to write to him again and apologize. he still answered though. he said where cooking is involved, it's fine to use cheap wine. yes!
2006-08-22

10:08 a.m.
i'm going to buy a new bike seat cover, blank cds and a color ink cartidge.
2006-08-22

4:28 p.m.
jodie to do tomorrow:

1. mail in first aid and cpr certifications to insurance company.
2. mail a second request for my driver's license application since the first one never seemed to have gotten there.
3. mail off student loan stuff.
4. move cabinet mittens' brother built from the living room into the bedroom and put the tv on top of it.
4. ride bike 20 miles.
5. finish laundry
6. keep cleaning house.
7. do not think about work.

we went to old orchard beach this weekend. it was so fun. i was able to talk tough guy mittens into riding one ride: the tilt-a-whirl. later in the day, he wanted to ride another ride, but we were so tired.
2006-08-21

4:15 p.m.
i always worry that mittens doesn't want to spend time with me. but then, whenever i leave his house earlier than i said i was, he looks so sad. like last night, when it was determined baseball was going to be on tv instead of a rerun of intervention, i decided i would just go home. i wasn't mad or anything, i was just tired and ready to get into my pajamas. and also, whenever we get to spend extra time together, he always seems so happy about it and tells me how happy he is to get to spend a little more time together. it's so nice.
2006-08-21

3:46 p.m.
i am in love with baked scallops and haddock right now. i think it's what fuels my urgent desire to move to maine.
2006-08-21

2:38 p.m.
to make myself feel even worse, i just shut the neighbor's cat's tail in the car door.
2006-08-21

11:27 a.m.
i'm going to ride my bike now, maybe that will help me clear my head.
2006-08-21

11:57 p.m.
we spent the weekend in maine. i'm ready to move up there and pick back up where i was when i left oklahoma. i was able to keep my mind off work for a good part of the trip and i'll try to do the same for the next week and a half instead of just letting the stress and anxiety and my own self-hatred spiral out of control. i can't sleep and

it was so nice to have some time just me and mittens. we sat out on the porch and he read his green lantern book and i read the national enquirer. i told him how i'd love for our life to be like that--so quiet and secluded and just us without the phone ringing or the email or decent cable. we're very good about spending time talking to each other, but it was so nice to be able to talk without being interupted.

in september, he's gone for at least three weekends, probably four. work's going to be difficult during that month and i wish he was going to be around. work's tough right now and i'm not even there. i don't know what's going to happen when i get back there. i just want us to go far away from everything so we don't have to deal with it anymore.

i don't know if i could even go to work right now. i think if i had to, i'd have to take a few days off just to get a grip on myself. i don't know if i'm feeling this way because of my job or if i'm feeling this way about my job because of something else. i guess i'm just going to hope i'm feeling better by the time i have to go back.
2006-08-20

4:08 p.m.
so listen, i'm loosing weight because of all the bike riding i've been doing. i'm really happy because a lot of it is coming off my stomach. but a lot of it also coming off my boobs. really, i'm down a full cup size (from a dd to a d) which means i'm going to have to buy a bunch of new bras. goodbye $75.
2006-08-17

5:42 p.m.
guess what. we finally got the soap channel. yes! that means i can start watching beverly hills 90210 again. i love this show.

also, i've got cramps and a headache. uhg.
2006-08-14

8:48 p.m.
oh my god every time i see benicio del toro i get chills.
2006-08-10

5:00 p.m.
do you think it was wrong of me to tell charles, a high school crush, that i wish my life was just going to work, teaching the kids, coming home and smoking a joint?
2006-08-10

9:26 p.m.
i'm still going for travis.
2006-08-09

7:46 p.m.
does anyone have a copy of the mike flower pops cover of "wonderwall?" it's my favorite version.
2006-08-09

9:42 p.m.
just so you know, the neighbors behind me with the screaming child will be getting an anonymous letter this weekend asking them to please tell their child to shut up. i'm going to mail it through the post office even.

please, let all of dys close tonight so i don't have to go to work tomorrow.
2006-08-08

8:17 p.m.
did anyone read this on the onion review of "virtually jenna?"

"Virtually Jenna wags a judgmental finger at homoeroticism. Girl-on-girl action is encouraged, but guy-on-guy is forbidden, as is playing with men. Not to mention the abominable selection of male clothes. And to make things worse, there's the matter of the cum shot: Girls can get coated, but the same substance refuses to stick to guys."
2006-08-08

9:55 p.m.
friday night, as we drove to bickford's from the bar, we listened to a show about a woman who believed she was marilyn monroe reincarnated. i said to mittens, who do you think i was reincarnated as? as i asked, i thought to myself, "that woman who made the first american flag." then mittens said, "betsy ross." i said, "did she make the first flag?" and mittens said yes and i said, "that's just who i was thinking of!" it was the strangest thing.

i got a flat tire friday night. it had big giant hole in it.

guess what, i'm getting another cat when the new shelter in salem opens.
2006-08-06

7:02 p.m.
how brilliant am i that i'm about to create an circumference, area, surface area, volume calculator in excell so that i can save time grading papers. also, i don't have a calculator, so this will save me some time.
2006-08-02

7:32 p.m.
things just aren't working for me right now. things aren't working at my job. things aren't working at my house. things aren't working in my relationship. i know what i have to do to fix everything, but i'm just not strong enough. i'm back to wanting to go far, far away, where nobody can see me and nobody knows me. i'd like to start over and do everything right and not end up in these situations where things aren't working for me.
2006-08-01

10:42 p.m.
my ipod wasn't working! and i couldn't find the receipt. then, i looked on the website and downloaded the new software for it and the new itunes update. now it's working again.

i love to listen to podcasts while i ride my bike. especially "onpoint with tom ashbrook" and "on the media." i also love that you can download the weekend puzzle with will shortz. i like to play along while i ride. sometimes i find myself calling out answers in a loud voice.
2006-07-30

11:15 a.m.
i got stung by a bee or something yesterday. i'm pretty sure it wasn't a bee, though, because there was no stinger. maybe a wasp or a hornet or a fly. i've been stung by a wasp before and i don't remember it swelling up this way. whatever it is, it got me good.

you see, i'd just come out of the nail place. i walked across the street to the chinese to get some lunch. as i was coming out, i felt a sting and saw something small fly off. it continued to hurt, but was just a little dot. by the time i got home, it was swollen all around and starting to turn red. i didn't even get out of the car and went back to cvs, next door to the chinese. i'm taking benadryl and putting allergy cream on it. it's been about 22 hours and it still is swollen. booooo!

mittens is rolling all around and talking in his sleep. he says he'd put cheese on a veal cutlet. and just now, onion rings. earlier: jim masters and bob eubanks. isn't he silly? what an ordeal it was to make him turn onto his stomach last night.
2006-07-30

9:40 p.m.
i thought bonnie from project runway and i looked just alike. but mittens icked her and said she and i look nothing alike. i thought she was pretty.
2006-07-27

9:36 p.m.
i think i'll go change into my pajama shirt, sit under the air conditioner in my bedroom (in the gold chair) and read chapter two of grendel. what a relief my electric bill was only $35 this month instead of the $110 it always was in the summer in oklahoma.
2006-07-27

8:41 p.m.
let me tell you about the fucking c-u-n-t on the bike path today. i must have been about 14.4 miles into my 15.6 mile ride. as i came up behind her, i rang my bell--ding ding, ding ding. she and her husband didn't move. i kept ringing as i approached. then, when i was behind them and ringing my bell--ding ding, ding ding, they still wouldn't move. then, the lady told me i should be using the gravel area which she said was the bike path. i told her, "i can't ride on that," because i have road tires and i shouldn't have to ride on the gravel when that path is for everyone. i should have told her, "the sign says to stay to the right and share the path with others. it doesn't say bikes have to ride on the gravel." so i think next week, when she's a sidewalk hog again, i'll say it.

by the way, i hated myself for not saying that today.

otherwise, my ride was great. it's been so windy that it's hard to ride too far. i'm up to 15.6 miles. my goal is to do at least 20.8 at some point by the end of summer school on august 16. my face is starting to look so different. i figure i've probably got until the beginning of october before it gets too cold to ride anymore. then, i might try yoga or something.
2006-07-27

9:01 p.m.
i hate children.
2006-07-26

5:02 p.m.
where is ups with my new clothes!?
2006-07-26

10:00 p.m.
okay, so i am obsessed with this vitality health thing my insurance company offers. you get points and then you get prizes. i've got about 28,400 points. i'm trying to get 65,000 points. i get 25 points for each workout (up to 125 points each week). i can also get another 4,000 points for sending in my first aid and cpr certifications. and every 10 lbs i lose, i get like, 2,000 points, or something. i also get 6,000 points for staying in-network and a few more points for using the mail service for my prescriptions.

you see, it's on a level system. you start on the bronze level. then, when you get 45,000 points, you move up to silver, then 55,000 points, you get gold, then at 65,000 points, you get platnum. i want the platnum because one you're there, you get to stay at a super fancy hotel for super cheap. at the bronze level, you get to stay four days and three nights with breakfast for two each day for $1200. if i can get to the platnum level, you get it for $400. and you get to do it twice each year.

one of the ways you can get to platnum is to quit smoking for a year or loose 5 points off your body mass index. i'm not up for quiting smoking and the chances of me losing the weight are pretty low. not because i can't, but because i build so much muscle.

you should see my neck, by the way. my double chin is getting smaller and smaller. my clothes aren't fitting any better, but at least my double chin is gone.
2006-07-25

9:41 p.m.
macully culkin is not a good actor. especially in this movie "party monster."
2006-07-25

9:37 p.m.
ps. are you jealous of my new bike?
2006-07-25

6:20 p.m.
just ask i was pulling up to my car last night, the brakes on my bike went out. can you believe those assholes?! so i was tired of that cheap, $80 bike from walmart always messing up. especially the brakes because what if i ran over a child!

so i'd been thinking about another, better, lighter bike designed for longer rides. the one i had from walmart was really only meant to be riden a few blocks or a couple of miles. i managed to get about 200 miles out of it though.

so i'd been looking at a new bike, the trek hybrid 7000 (MSRP $269, but the place had it for $260). it was the least expensive of the expensive bikes. and today, i went to buy it. they didn't have it in my size. actually, they did but it wasn't assembled and i'd have to wait two or three days for them to do it. i didn't want to wait, so i bought the trek hybrid 7100 (MSRP $320, $300 store price).

i loved it. i rode 13 miles today and would have gone for 15.6 but the wind was so strong. so maybe tomorrow i'll be able to.

i hadn't been able to decide if i should just buy the bike i wanted or if i should buy a less expensive one until next year. i'm glad i went ahead and bought the one i wanted.

it has a really awesome bell, too. so people get out of my way and it doesn't rattle or make funny noises. and the brakes work!
2006-07-24

10:21 p.m.
i'm still sick. but i'm definately feeling better. why do i always have to get sick? what i have i done to deserve this?

i have beaten mittens at his own game. just ask him. i likes to lick me and i always say, "don't lick me," and he just loves it. and so he keeps doing it over and over again. so i licked him and he hated it. and told me to stop. then, i started to tickle him. and he was doublely irratated. he also hates when i use a man voice on the phone.

i'm particular about paper products touching my food. at the chinese food last weekend, mittens pulled the beef off the stick before i ever said anything. isn't he the best?
2006-07-23

4:57 p.m.
still sick.
2006-07-21

10:01 p.m.
i'm sick with a cold. and i can't take time off work. suxor.
2006-07-20

8:06 p.m.
i'm sorry i'm not able to be a good friend right now.
2006-07-20

7:36 p.m.
showgirls is on!
2006-07-20

9:43 p.m.
if i were at this woman's wedding, i'd walk out and leave and tell her, "you're a fucking bitch. get up and get your own damn water."
2006-07-19

9:41 p.m.
man, these women on brizilla are some serious bitches. don't ever let me act like that if i get married.
2006-07-19

9:39 p.m.
i've had a horrible pain in my left ankle. an ache. it's been sort of a long term problem, but i'm thinking i might try to get into the doctor about it during my school break in august. that means i need to find a new doctor 'cause ain't no way i'm going back to that ninny i went to before. i'm just so tired of living with the pain. in fact, it kept me up in the middle of the night. it's just a dull ache.

i asked mittens, "when we get old, can we take ballroom dancing lessons at the community center?" i was suprised he said yes so quickly.

i burned my tongue on a totino's pizza roll. ouch.
2006-07-19

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